Living the Life of Illusion
by snarkysweetness
Summary: Katie’s stubbornness and fear has always gotten in the way of her letting herself be happy. After being called on this by Oliver, Katie has had time to realize that he is right, much to her disdain. One-shot.


**Title: **Living the Life of Illusion **  
Author: **LJ: SnarkySweetness; FF net: SchwartzyLogainne **  
Characters/Pairings: **Katie Bell/Oliver Wood

**Rating: **Mature

**Warnings: **Katie's Mouth/Slight sexuality and it's a bit dark. **  
When: **Post-DH (Christmas, it seems, a few years after, I suppose) **  
Summary: **Katie's stubbornness and fear has always gotten in the way of her letting herself be happy. After being called on this by Oliver, Katie has had time to realize that he is right, much to her disdain. **  
Disclaimer: **JKR owns, unfortunately. **  
Author's Note:** This was originally a holiday gift for someone (I like giving gifts), now it's not; instead, this is dedicated to Grace, who made me finish it (not to mention has been encouraging me to keep writing despite everything), amidst my Great Depression '08 (and in her words "I like Oliver Wood, ALLOT", so there we go). While Oli/Katie is one of my many Katie ships, I've never written them before, so any feedback would be lovely. It also tuned out far darker than I intended, which may be a reflection of a lot of things, who knows. I hope everyone enjoys my attempt here.

"You were right," Katie whispered from the doorway, feeling a bit defeated, she hated admitting defeat, especially when it was to Oliver Wood, he could be a downright, cocky bastard when he wanted to be; proving Katie wrong often led to those annoying moments of his.

Oliver lifted his head from his small desk, which was covered with Quidditch plays, of course. He had an open, nearly empty bottle of scotch next to him, a nearly empty glass in his right hand, his face in his left. Oliver ran said hand over his face before looking at her. "I was what?" He asked, seemingly still annoyed by their fight.

Katie hated the times when their relationship was so dark, sure, they were always dysfunctional, but for the most part, she could deal. After all, dating your best friend off and on for the better part of six years tended to have that affect. They were either fighting, fucking, or well, fighting. Katie knew it wasn't healthy, but how else could two people who loved each other but couldn't make themselves admit it behave?

"You were right," Katie repeated, not happy that he'd made her say it again, but she was too damn tired to care enough to fight with him again, she'd let him have his way for once. Katie took a small step into his flat, using her wand to get some candle light in the room. Honestly, he was slowly turning into an alcoholic, it was disgusting.

"Christ, Oliver, when was the last time you were sober?" Katie asked seriously, worried about him. Sure, the two of them had never shied away from the bottle, but she was pretty sure he'd been drunk when they'd fought, that was two days ago.

"Don't worry about it," he told her defensively.

Katie crossed her arms, annoyed. "You know, Oliver, even though you were right, it doesn't mean you're not partially to blame. Yes, I don't allow myself to be happy, to commit to anything, and yes, I'm afraid to let myself love you, Oliver, but can you blame me? You don't exactly put in any effort, you know?

We broke up because of _you_, not me. You always put everything ahead of me, how long did you really think I was going to put up with that? And now I have to tuck you into bed and sober you up? I can't be the one working towards everything, Oliver." She told him calmly, she'd thought a lot about this.

Katie loved him, but she wasn't going to try with him if he couldn't-no, wouldn't allow himself to change. She was willing to fight against her fears, but he had to do the same.

"I'm not the only one afraid to be happy here Oliver, I think you need to see that too."

"Goddamnit Katie, what do you want from me?" Oliver asked, finishing his drink.

Katie ripped the cup out of his hand and threw it aside, breaking it. She jumped a bit; she hadn't intended to be that forceful with him. She recovered quickly, seizing the moment. "To stop this, Oliver, you're throwing your life away. I'm sorry that Quidditch has outgrown you, but that doesn't mean you life is over. You're letting this beat you, Oliver, it's pathetic. You are more than this. I want you to grow the fuck up and act like a man already."

Oliver stood, looking down at her. Katie felt tiny in comparison to him, like with most other people, but she could definitely hold her own.

"Quidditch is my life, Katie, don't you see that?" He asked, the tone in his voice like a child who had been denied his favorite toy and was no determined to never play with another one.

"When am I going to be your life, Oliver? You say you want me, but at then end of the day, I'm still not as important as _you_ are to you. Let's face facts here, Oliver, no one has a career in Quidditch for long, you knew that going in. This is about you being afraid to move on. I came here to tell you that I still love you, but until you're ready, I can't be with you."

Katie shook her head and stepped away from him. "I don't care if it's selfish, but I need to be the most important thing in your life if this is ever going to work. I'm willing to make compromises and sacrifices, Oliver, but not over my worth. That's the one thing I can't compromise on," she told him honestly, taking one last look at him before turning to leave.

A moment later, Oliver caught her arm and Katie turned to look at him, a small breath in her throat catching; Oliver had tears in his eyes. _Tears_; she'd never seen him cry, ever, not in the ten years that she'd known him; not even over Quidditch.

"Oliver?" Katie asked, wondering what was going through his mind. Lord, she'd hate to have to delve through the mind of Oliver Wood, but right at this moment, it would be convenient.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, still holding onto her.

His expression was unreadable, but Katie felt a small chill. He was apologizing? That was a rarity, to say the least.

"You deserve better than me, I've done nothing but prove I don't deserve you." He told her, moving his hand up her arm, his free hand moving to her cheek.

Katie closed her eyes briefly, good Lord, he was still able to reduce her to jelly, how did he do that? "Don't talk like that, Oliver," Katie whispered after a moment. She hated when he got down on himself. Even though he was probably telling the truth, she was sure they probably deserved each other; they were far too fucked up to be meant for anyone else.

"I love you."

"I know," Katie looked up at him, knowing this was most likely going to end up in more heartache, but right now, she couldn't care, it was Christmas, after all. Who could bear to be alone on Christmas?

Katie leaned up and kissed him softly, feeling him take her into his arms a moment later, deepening the kiss. She knew they still had far more to resolve, but she couldn't make herself break her want to just pretend they were two normal, functional people, enjoying themselves on Christmas. For now, she could just enjoy her momentary illusion, she could deal with reality later, for now, she needed to be close to the only person who could ever love her in the same way she knew how to love.

~ El Fin~


End file.
